stop staring and get your own

this post is written to people living in manhattan. if you do not live in manhattan then you will likely find this post irrelevant and would be better off going here.

i've got a simple scenario i'd like to run by you:

everyday you arrive to work and take the stairs 30 flights up to your floor. you arrive to your office sweaty, annoyed and tired. this goes on for quite awhile and then one day i point out to you that the building has an elevator. you a) continue taking the stairs, b) take the elevator or c) take the elevator down to the basement and then walk 31 flights up to your floor. idiots would choose c), a few of you (namely slade, davis and craig) would choose b), but the vast majority of you would choose a). now i know what you're thinking. "no way hasselboff. you're crazy. why in the world would i continue taking the stairs when i could simply take the elevator?" my answer: for the same reason you continue to ride the subway, rather than buy a scooter.

i don't know how many times we've talked about this. every time we do you seem jealous. but i'm realizing that having a scooter in the city is like having a tan in southern california. you wonder why everyone stares in envy when they could just get their own. i'm going to layout 10 solid reasons you need to get your own scooter, and now.

10) no more sweating in the subway. you will never ever again have to deal with that annoying sweat bead that trickles down your spine, igniting a flood of perspiration that leaves you looking like you just ran a marathon in a monsoon.
9) better commute. rather than elbowing your way onto a packed subway car where you are forced to smell your neighbor, you will take a leisurely ride on your scooter where you are at liberty to smell the roses.
8) chicks and dudes dig it. whether you're picking up on karen or darren, you're chances will improve drastically.
7) get to know the city. take the scooter around town and in short order you will know manhattan like you know your roommate's dirty secrets. you will be shocked at the number of neighborhoods you never knew existed.
6) it's economical. you can get a vespa or a stella or a lance or a whatever. there are a plethora of options and affordable ones too. you probably spend between $150 - $200 a month on transportation - $81 for your subway pass and $70 - $120 on taxis. you can finance a scooter, and cover your monthly payment, gas and insurance all for under $200 bucks a month. money really is not a major issue.
5) you'll make new friends. every time you pull up to a light, the car sitting next to you will roll down its window and the driver will ask about your ride. every time you pull up next to a scooter you'll give each other the "we're cool" nod (if you pull up next to a harley you're better off not making eye contact).
4) absolute freedom at a fraction of the time. think of how many times you've passed up going somewhere because taking the subway and the amount of time involved just didn't seem worth it. whether you want to go from the west side to the east side, uptown to downtown, whether you want to go visit a friend, run an errand or hit your favorite restaurant, the scooter will get you there and quickly. and you can park anywhere. even on the sidewalk. you just need to learn the tricks of the trade.
3) it's like playing a video game. the only difference is you have one life. as your confidence grows you'll go from riding 15 mph up and down your street to weaving in and out of traffic and shooting the gap during rush hour on madison avenue (shooting the gap is squeezing between two cars in stealth like fashion).
2) driving a scooter will make you feel like this. taking the subway while knowing you could be driving a scooter will make you feel like this.
1) you look cool...

so please please please do yourself a favor and get one of these...