introducing, mr. hollywood

i will admit that on occasion i fantasize about being a singer or an actor. like a distracted 9th grader whose mind wanders to his secret crush during 3rd period algebra, i sometimes stare out my window during work, day dreaming of being on a stage in front of thousands of adoring fans belting out “oops i did it again” or accepting an academy award for actor in a leading role. if having a good voice or delivering a believable line were not prerequisites for either gig, i would quit my job tomorrow, hire davis to be my agent and beg archuleta to let me open for him on his international tour. however, those prerequisites seem as real as my inadequacies; i would qualify my singing and acting as exceptionally average with a real potential for mediocrity. therefore, i have resigned myself to the fact that the only place my fantasy will be realized is in the shower, where i can close my eyes and lose myself in a heart-wrenching rendition of “oh danny boy” or a sweet sounding interpretation of “fix you”. that all changed this past weekend however.

a couple of weeks ago a close friend of mine – j9 – asked me to be apart of a pilot she would be shooting for the ny television film festival. among other things, j9 is an aspiring filmmaker recently accepted into the nation’s top film program (usc) and has previous experience creating short films, as well as a pilot for said festival. she had written a script and wanted me to be one of the main actors. ah hmm. i humbly accepted. and this past weekend i traveled to dc for my acting debut.

at first i was a little disappointed. i had made a few simple requests, namely that the studio provide brie cheese, sliced 1/8 of an inch thick with a sufficient supply of carr's table weight crackers and poland springs bottled water. you can imagine how put off i was when i arrived to a half-empty two-liter of mountain dew and bags of chex mix. davis suggested i storm off the set until my demands were met, but i didn’t. instead, i approached the lighting guy, thinking it’d be noble for an actor to build a relationship with a stagehand. the lighting guy said, “we’re sure excited to work with you brian”. now i was tempted to walk and would have, but visions of me singing alongside jack black at the mtv movie awards wouldn’t let me; my reservoir of superficiality was much deeper than even i was aware.

something that i quickly learned is that each scene takes much longer than you’d think. so much so that you begin to wonder if the director, lighting guy and sound guy are intentionally trying to make everyone hate them. after my sixth bag of chex mix, my time finally arrived. i took my place on the set and with the cameras rolling delivered my first lines. although my delivery would have made brendan fraser's performance in the mummy seem oscar worthy, i like to think of this moment as a monumental one, one that will go down in the annals of cinematic lore. the moment hasselboff became hollywood.



still photo #1: i'm getting ready to deliver my first lines. i'm so nervous.

there is something transformative about being in front of a crew and a camera. there’s something even more transformative about being in front of a crew and camera not having memorized your lines. it’s impossible to appear authentic and makes for poor acting (so i'm told). and worse, you end up stealing looks from your script like a boyfriend who steals looks from an attractive woman. but like a justified girlfriend, the crew and cast weren’t terribly forgiving of the wandering eye. so i hid myself in a room and did my best to learn my lines. this helped. a lot. it didn’t turn me into a regular tom hanks, but it did wonders for the confidence.


still photo #2: the guitar hero scene. j-9 up front, christian on the left, me on the right. love the tongue wag. nice work c.

as shooting progressed, i felt more at home in front of the camera, more capable of interpreting the script, more natural at delivering my lines, and even more comfortable hamming it up with the cast and crew. one time while the camera was rolling, i delivered my line in this real funny voice. it’s that one mimicking voice davis and i do. man was it funny. everyone laughed except the director cause we had to do another take. but boy was i in my element.


still photo #3: this is me being downright silly.

i was sad to see the filming come to an end. all in all, i really enjoyed acting and thought i did a pretty amazing job. i’m considering taking a few head shots and putting together a comp card. now that i have a credit and all. anyway, the pilot will be submitted later this month, and if accepted, will air at the festival in september. if that happens, chances are hasselboff will be headed to hollywood.